June 5th, 2009

I knew when I wrote Silver Platter Girl that what appeared in the pages of the book would be controversial and uncomfortable for some people.  What I didn't anticipate was how controversial the cover would be.  But, of course, when you write a book, you aren't really thinking about the cover.  But there comes a time in the process when you have to.  You hear all kinds of things about how important the cover is for marketing and whether it will catch the eye of the book buyer as he is browsing the store because it is so unlikely that your book will be in the front of the store on one of those cardboard stands that features your cover image and all those blurbs about how great it is.  No, that place in the store is reserved for the big boys, such as William Jefferson Clinton, John Grisham, and others who can virtually promise a best seller.  Then you learn that less than 35% of books purchased today are purchased in a book store so that whole cover theory is minimized when you realize that your cover image on Amazon is about one inch square.   Well, yes, you can click on it to zoom in and enlarge it but even then, it's pretty small.  Your book is characterized more by reader reviews than what is on the cover.  So it seemed fair to conclude that the best choice would be a cover that accurately reflects the content of the book.  Simple, right?  Well, not exactly. 

My publisher, a wise and fair man who admittedly didn't totally understand Silver Platter Girl  when he read it because he was a "guy", intuitively knew it was important and truthful.  When he shared the story with a woman he respected, she said she "got it" and that seemed to influence him positively.  It is his job to think about the presentation of the book and he said they would present several cover ideas for me to choose from.  While those options were prettier and more pleasant than what was ultimately chosen, in my opinion they did not accurately reflect the content of the book.  (I swear the fact that my name was misspelled in these original designs and the name of the book was wrong didn't influence me unfairly.  Those little problems were easily fixed.)  I worried that a nice middle-aged breast cancer survivor would see one of these covers featuring my sympathetic cancer image and imagine that I was a fellow survivor who was going to tell my story of triumph over the disease.   She would have no idea as to what was lurking between the front and back cover.  And I didn't think that was fair.  I began to believe that my publisher, bless his heart, would be more comfortable with a more mainstream approach to the cover because that was the part that reflected on him.  What was inside was more my responsibility.   But to his great credit, he realized that just as the blunt honesty of the book was its very heart and soul, the honesty of the cover was every bit as important to me.  So he agreed to allow me to take a stab at the cover image myself.  I turned to my son, who is a professional photographer, and had shot the 10 year recovery photo series for my national cancer exhibit "To the Light".  He knew me better than anyone and would be sensitive to the task at hand.



Cover Options Presented by Publisher



                      
   

We scheduled a cover shoot and began to discuss conceptual ideas.  We had already decided that the cancer image would be shown as a reflection on the platter but that my current "well" self would be the dominant image of empowerment and ultimate survivorship.  It was important that the platter itself would somehow visually be under my control.  So we tried heading off at a brisk walk to the future with platter swinging behind in a pretty dress that flared engagingly when the fan blew on it.

                                                                    

Then we tried what we affectionately refer to as the "crazy" cover, out of focus and frenzied, but rejected it for fear no one would believe anything that woman wrote.



Then the more melancholy, pensive cover which was rejected for fear that I may appear depressed and passive.


Finally I was sitting in my little dress on the black bench with the platter leaning casually against it and I said I wanted to try something else.  Sprawling across the bench on one elbow, both hands on the platter, stockinged legs extended beyond the end of the bench, I waited while he set up for the new shot.  During that short time, I allowed myself to conjure up every feeling, every fear, every insecurity, and finally the audacity and work necessary to overcome all those things to get where I was at that moment.  As I filled myself up completely with the intense emotion of my long journey to wellness as told in my book, he snapped the shutter.  I hardly noticed, having been in my own world at that moment.  He took a look at the image on the back of his camera and said "I think we're done here".  One image.  That was all it took.  To me, it said everything.  It was a true reflection of my story.  I guess I should have known that if my story made some people uncomfortable, a cover that truly reflected that story would also make people uncomfortable.  I just couldn't imagine how uncomfortable. 




The issue of the cover was unfortunately exaggerated when the galleys arrived (the uncorrected not for sale first draft to actually look like a book), and the color on the cover was heavily saturated causing the platter to look green instead of silver and the birthmark on my right arm to be the most prominent color of all.  It was my intention to bear my stain openly as it was an important component of the story and after all, I was letting everything hang out, but it drew the eye with its brilliant reddish purple super saturated appearance.  Some people believed it to be a major mistake, not having read the book, and felt embarassed when it was pointed out that it was a birthmark and part of the story.  My publisher explained that galleys were a short digital run and the cover could not be color corrected.  Not to worry, he said, the first printing of the book would be a perfect color match to the original photo.  But while the birthmark drew a lot of attention, the expression on my face drew even more.

My coach at the gym, a wonderful young 23 year old man, pronounced it "scary", his eyes as big as saucers as he recalled seeing it for the first time.  When asked, he said that there must be quite a story inside that cover and it would definitely encourage him to find out what it was.  A handful of women who had read the book for a focus group unanimously proclaimed the cover to be absolutely perfect.

When I showed the book at my publisher's booth at the LA Times Festival of Books at UCLA in April, I was introduced to another author, an older woman.  I could see the darkness descend over her face when she realized that I was actually "the silver platter girl."  She launched into a ten minute harangue about what a terrible cover it was, how mean it was, how she would never pick it up or ever read it based on the cover.  Her husband who was standing a few feet away, horrified by her behavior, quietly asked her why she didn't just tell me how she really felt.  I was stunned by her outburst and collected every available ounce of composure to resist engaging in a full out battle with her.   With graciousness beyond even my own expectations, I quietly said that perhaps we should just agree that she was simply not a potential reader of my book.  Unexpectedly, that intensified her attack, with her saying "you don't know me" and informing me that I was not the only one with a story.   At that point, I left the booth and made myself scarce for a long while, stinging from her words.  When I returned, she had settled down and said she didn't mean to offend me with her "attack", that it had been about the cover and not about me personally.  It was interesting how she herself referred to it as an attack.  She then proceeded to restate her objections to the cover.  Later in the afternoon, we were seated next to each other for book signings.  It was at that point that she began to share some of her own story with me.  She had been married four times, engaged in an affair with her psychiatrist, was raped, and once slept with five different men in five consecutive nights.  She beamed as she reiterated that I was not the only one with a story as if this was a competition and she was pulling way ahead.  By the end of this long day, she quietly told me that she would definitely read my book.  

On two occasions I was told that the cover design was ok, but I needed a new head with a new face.  One woman said that the look on my face on the cover did not reflect what a warm and vibrant person I was, that it was just not me.  She suggested that through the magic of Photoshop, I simply replace the scary face with a happier, friendlier face.  Then a man at the New York book expo suggested that we just pluck the happy cancer recovery face off the back of our marketing card and plunk it on the cover to replace the bad face.  So out of respect for these two older, upset observers, I offer you the Photoshopped version of the cover image to make me happier and friendlier.



Another woman suggested that it is simply not acceptable to use the author's image on the cover of a memoir unless that author is a recognizable face.  Someone famous.  And what if someone passed on the book because they were turned off by the cover?  The answer, of course, is that the cover, and the book for that matter, cannot possibly appeal to everyone.  Those who need and want to read it and explore its message seem to relate in a strong, positive way to the cover image.  Those who are so upset about it probably aren't ready to read it or have no desire to delve into the subject so deeply.  My opinion is that whatever it is about the look of that image that scares people is probably the same thing that prevents people from talking about the kinds of things that are inside that book.  The fact that a woman has to go to the place depicted by this cover image to overcome the obstacles to wellness with which we are presented in our lives may be intimidating to some.  But this is one of the many things we have to get over in order to reshape how society views the subject, in order to get used to the idea that the only route to wellness is through the "telling" of what we have been through.  We didn't ask for it.  But its what we got.  So as unfair as that is, at least help us admit what it really is and give us a hand as we dare to be strong enough to do more than survive it, but to thrive in that survival.  Let me be the woman I had to be in order to get well, the woman in that photo on the cover of Silver Platter Girl.  Because I had to be her before I had earned the luxury of being that warmer, more vibrant woman that some wish to see on the cover instead.  That cover girl is the warrior.  Without her, I don't exist today. 

I thought a bone marrow transplant was hard.  And it was.  And I thought that releasing my personal, intimate story of survival was also very hard.  And it was.  People say it took courage to do both.  Keeping my tough cover in the face of so much controversy is also hard.  Deep down, don't we all want to be loved and accepted?  Wouldn't I prefer for everyone to say how beautiful the cover is, how beautiful I am, and how beautiful my message is?  Wouldn't I rather have seen my cover on the front of the publisher's catalogue rather than the last image on the back?  Heck, yes.  Wouldn't I like to have had Danny Thomas for a dad who left me St. Jude's Cancer Hospital as a legacy rather than sexual abuse?  Lucky Marlo Thomas, she's "that girl".  But not me.  No, I have to portray the reality of this hand some of us, way too many of us, have been dealt.  It's a bitch, it really is.  But that's my job. 

But the story doesn't end there.  A professional book cover designer stopped by our booth in New York, showing us his beautiful portfolio of impressive work.  We asked him what he thought about our cover but of course he had no way of knowing how important his answer would be to us.  He took time to read the back cover including the reviews and the short summary of the story.  Then he gazed at the cover and said it perfectly depicted the subject matter.  Thumbs up, he gave it a thumbs up.  And there are the many women who have been so drawn to the cover that they want to touch and feel it and hold it close because they know by looking at the cover that there is truth inside its pages.  And we are all, at some level, drawn to that if we truly desire to be well.  I just keep reminding myself to be guided by honesty and the gut feelings that helped me overcome my upbringing and troubled pre-cancer life, that helped me learn to live inside the joy of my remarkable recovery and to stand up to those who would advise me to be a little less of an irritant.  Yes, that sexual abuse can be so irritating. 

So I will leave you with a saying that a lovely woman in Maryland uses as her e-mail sign-off.  She is a hard working advocate for sexual abuse victims in the Jewish community and runs a non-profit called The Awareness Center, Inc. (the International Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault). 

Every great oak tree was once a nut that stood its ground.




SPG